Resolute!

I hesitate. I'm very apprehensive. I look around me. I look over my shoulder to make sure there is no one or nothing that is following me. I don't want to go on alone, but I have no choice. It is my war, my territory I have to save. Looking back I see the golden sun that tempted me to embark this journey. 26 years now. I wait. Still. Patiently. Breathing slowly now. Anxious, my palms start to sweat. I wipe them dry on my clothes. I wait.

Time! I think of it. 26 years! I have seen time, felt it too. It is a delicate thing, this time. Always slips away when you try to hold it. Moments in time, I try and recollect, are so faded now that it feels like a dream. Moments in time, I wonder. Moments. Small moments of joy, of sadness.

A lot has happened these 12 months. Lot of emotions. Lot more is the feeling of numbness. I wait. I get more anxious now, to see how it starts. I always wait, when this time comes. I stand there, with palms sweating, recollecting the past and sketching the future.

Slowly I see it approach. Mixed feelings rise within me. How am I supposed to react? Should I jump up and down with joy? Or should I be cautious? Will this approach make me sad, happy or more numb, I do not know. But what I know is that I have to steady myself. To prove that I am made of different steel, I would have to reiterate the feelings of success, happiness and confidence.

It approaches rapidly now. A sense of fear engulfs me. What if everything changes? Will I be able to deal with it? Taking a deep breath I step out of my hiding. I decide to surrender. What ever has to be done will be done. I am more confident now that my plan will work. As it approaches I take one last look back. Back into my past. Back into my acomplishments. Back into the heartbreaks. Sigh! I feel sad, I feel confused. But somehow I feel complete. I know that what ever choices I have made are responsible for where I am now. And I am happy. Surprisingly, I am happy.

I look now into the future. I see the dreams that are very close now. I see new love. I see new beginnings. I also see the same happy self I see now. I feel free now. I feel the cool wind in my hair. A feeling of exhileration seeps into my body. I smile. All the anxiousness now gone, makes me feel new. A new me is born. The war is over, I have secured my territory.

The war, is my life. The territory, my mind. I know now, all I need is my soul. A temple I have to take care of. With my smile widening I welcome the new year, a new me and a new beginning.