It Happens Only Once?

I have touched love, tasted it, felt it, sensed it, and felt alive with it! Love has done the same to me too. Its funny, I have had many people ask me, what is Love? How do you know that it is Love? I wish I could tell them, there is nothing else, but Love! But then I know they would look at me with a weird look in their eyes which says, I have heard many stupid answers before, but this is an original. Disappointed, I resign and explain, like I would to a child, what love feels like.

India is a place, dominated by a crazy culture called 'Bollywood'. Its amazing to see the impact it has on one and all. If anyone should ask me, what rules India, I would like the answer to be Bollywood. Life, including politics, takes inspiration from this Industry. Then why shouldn't Love?

Imagine the dreamy eyed Shahrukh Khan on a basketball field, looking love struck and telling the kid, Pyaar sirf ek baar hota hai. The impact this dialogue had on the audience was phenomenal! I can't seem to break this spell. I wish I could scream and tell everyone who can hear me, that, that's the most stupidest thing I have ever heard! I mean its not like lighting, which never strikes again in the same place, its Love! A feeling, a state of being, the most sought after wealth in the Universe!

Today, after yet again listening to another youngster tell me the famous dialogue of Shah Rukh Khan, I have decided to share my story with you. I have loved, by God! I did. Not once, but so many times that I can not count. And I am willing to love again. I am willing to share with you some of my experiences. Because as far as I know, Love happens, again and again.

It was summer. A time when I hated the sweat due to the heat and men. Why men? Well I had no reason. I thought they were low lives who were so perverted in life and that they thought about nothing else but sex. How did I reach that conclusion? Harmones! I was a teenager who was slightly overweight, who looked as normal as a girl next door. I never got more than an smile friends boyfriends. So you can imagine my conclusion. But as life would have it, I was sent to a tutorial were there were almost 15 boys, and I was the only girl. I hated the feeling of being surrounded by the only creatures I hated.

But since I never gave up any challenge, I took this one up too. And then it happened. A boy my age (who was the only good looking guy in class) came up to me and said if he could sit next to me. Before I could say anything he sat next to me that day, and everyday since then. I slowly started hating men less. Most of the guys in class became my friends. And then one day, another girl joined the tution. I must admit, I was slightly jealous of her as now the attention of the boys would be divided. But then to my surprise, the guy I was talking about never spoke to her. In fact, he made me feel better about my self by complimenting me once in a while. This made the other girl jealous, and I loved it. Little did I know that my friendship with this boy would turn into something romantic.

We had exams, and the tution was ending soon. I saw the restlessness in the boys eyes, and that's when I saw it. I was scared, because it never happened to me. It took all the courage he had within him to walk up to me on fine day and tell me that he loves me. There I was again, looking Love in the eye. I must admit, I was terrified. What if I don't feel the same for him? I would be breaking his heart!

I panicked. I just turned around and walked away from it. But Love followed me, looked at me once again. I felt weak in the knees. I knew I had to test the waters. So I stepped into the cool waters of love. On step at a time. Just as my ankles started become cool, I started to feel dizzy. I can't take the plunge! I thought. I stepped back. I broke a heart. It hurt me too. But I was not ready. The lesson I had learnt, was that, when love looks you in the eye. you too should look back and say, yes I am ready, and embark on a journey that may not be what you expected, but worth the experience none the less.

I have drifted from that moment in time, like an Autumn leaf, in the cool breeze of winter. My heart became cold. I was floating like cloud. Then I met a guy. Like the sun he melted my heart. This time he was a stranger. He called me one day and was curiously enquiring about why I wanted a number of another guy. And that's how my next love story began . You may stop to wonder, 'Wait a minute, how can that happen?' Well, why can't it happen?

I never expected to fall in love with him. It just happened. That is the beauty of Love. You have no control over it. You cannot dictate rules to it. When it starts to rule you, you are in a blissful state of trance, where everything is perfect! I had good times with him, though I only met him a handful of times in a span of say 6-7yrs. 'What!' This may be your reaction. I hear you. But that's the truth. Who said love has to happen only when people meet regularly? I heard love is like a Ghost, that many people talk about but only a few see. I wonder if this was true. Because even Ghosts can be seen, if you look closely. With him, I felt alive, beautiful and confident. He had taught me what is life without a little fun! And so life went on, with a few joyful moments here and there. But the wind of life was changing direction, and once again, I found myself drifting like a leaf on a stream. Lost and confused I wandered the cool waters.

Untill one day, I saw the light again. This time, in the eyes of a shabbily dressed teenager, who had coffee marks all over his pants. He was a friend of my cousin's, who was visiting us for the summer. I was disappointed, because I expected my cousin, who is a cool dude, to have friends like him. Later that evening I realised I was disappointed too quickly. This shabby guy, had a style of his own. When we spent nights on our terrace gossiping about everything around us, he would look at me in a way that said a thousand things, and made me feel like we were all alone on the terrace. Every now and then the conversation of my cousins broke his spell and I would wonder, if what just happened was a figment of my imagination. When he left, those unspoken words echoed in my heart! I was in Love once again. But distance played a role and brought our two young hearts apart. The lesson I learnt was that, appearences could be deceptive. Never look at the Nike shoes of the Levis jeans a guy wears, but always look into their eyes and see the love staring back at you. And another important lesson I learnt was to communicate. Its as important as loving the other person.

Sadly, I moved on with life. Trudging along the empty loveless roads. I felt terrible, that once again I let love pass me by. Throughly disappointed this time, I swore I will never have feelings for anyone. Whats the point, if the end result is an aching heart! With renewed determination, I went along my daily chores. A little grown now, a little bolder, I went ahead on the journey of life.

Then it happenened. On a day so perfect, it almost looked like heaven. There he was, golden light falling on his dark brown hair. He looked like an angel waiting for a train. Yes, thats right. I met him in a train station, and I just couldnt help looking at him more than twice. We fell in love almost immediately as the train took off. I would gaze into his light brown eyes and he would have a gleeful smile on his lips. Two strangers, on a journey of life. I decided. I had to take the plunge. If I dont do it now, love will pass me by again. And this time, I didnt want that to happen.

So there I was, ready to take the plunge, when suddenly he says he would be away for the next two years, studying. My heart starts to brim with sorrow. Distance! Always the distance. I shudder at the thought of it. But then what is life without a challenge. With trust and love, we managed those two years of seperation And when he was back, we both were dancing on cloud nine. It was only when we set foot on earth again, that we realised that Love was just not enough. You needed to have patience, trust and above all the strenght to face all that is adverse to love. We fought against all odds for the next two years. But the fight scarred our soul. It was time to let go. A time to heal.

I was angry with life. As I learned something from it, it threw me into another cup of hot water. Yes I agree, we are all God's little tea bags. We can only know our strenght when we are placed in hot water. That was what was happening to me. Silly, I thought, all this while I was blaming God for everything that happened. When in fact its the choices people make that determine their lives.

Love is such a fragile thing, that needs to be nurtured. Love is a state of being, love is everything you see, touch, feel, taste and hear. Love is you, and you are Love. Then why restrict it by saying, Pyaar sirf ek baar hota hai? (Love happens only once)