26 Year Old RJ!

I will not say I am a 20 something girl. I am going to tell you I am 26. I don't go by the cliche that a woman must never reveal her age. Because I am proud of each and every year I spent on this earth.

I am not going to say that I have struggled all my life and achieved what ever I have now with a lot of hard work. But I am definitely going to say that these 26 years of my life have shown me what life had to offer and where I could negotiate with life. It also made me realise that people no matter what they do are always insecure about themselves.

I have learnt that when a person lives in the past his future becomes a dream which he thinks he cannot achieve. But the important thing is to live in the present. Because everything happens Now! I have had my share of hardships. I have had my heart broken more than once. I have seen my dreams come true and then dissolve like mist. I have seen love pass me by. I have learnt that nothing comes to us that easily. We need to work really hard to achieve something and then see it being given away to someone else.

I am not a pessimist. I am quite an optimist actually. Of late I have become a Realist. I live on the hope of a better tomorrow, which makes me a perfect optimist. But I also know that life has unexpected twists, so its better not to expect anything at all. This makes me a realist. So I guess I am a bit of both. But 26 is an age where one learns more about themselves than life in general. We learn slowly about the potential that lurks beneath the layers of self hatred. It takes time and conscious effort not to hate one's self.

We do things that seem unforgivable. And since the only way to punish ourselves would be hating our being, we do just that. To love ourselves we need to forgive not only those who hurt us but also to forgive ourselves; to take these mistakes as learning experiences of life. Now I completely understand why they call Forgiveness a virtue.

My peers are only 4years old in their minds. I am not condemning all. I am just saying that, it takes time for people to realise. This stands true for those who are pampered at home. The shadow of protection their parents build around them makes it difficult for them to see life clearly. I can't blame the parents. As adults they must have learnt their lessons. They just want to make sure that their children never fall prey to the evil around them. Evil? Its a strong word used loosely in today's world. Yet we never seem to see the light that can overtake this Evil.

Its true when Pshycologists say that we are always attracted to things we are told not to do or go after. And there are certain things in this world which feel really good but which are not good for us. You may still be wondering how being an RJ fits into all this.

As an RJ I have realised that, when you talk to people you see so much more than what they are actually say. You see their Parent, Child and Self, all in one body and soul. If you look deeper, you can see your being reflected back through their eyes. And then agian some may wonder, am I really like that?

Life gives us many opportunities to change, to choose, what we want in life to stay true to ourselves and be content with it. But we tend to choose things that are not meant for us, hence, creating the circumstances in which we live, thinking, why does this happen to me only?

As a 26 year old RJ I cannot say I am content just yet. Every step I have taken has taught me something new, has made me see the light in me shining brighter. I have felt the joy and the pain with the same intensity. Now I don't feel anything. I am a neutral being, or maybe, I choose to be this way for a while. It's more soothing to not feel anything sometimes, so that when you do feel something finally, you feel it completely.

I would like to end this by saying, I can not blame anyone for where I am now because I chose to be here today. I am not sad. It's a learning experience. And I am always learning, like all of us do. So keep learning no matter how life treats you. Cause ultimately we are here to learn.