Can't Blame The Hormones!

Slam the door hard of their faces! My head reels, the voice becomes louder and louder. Come on, do it. Slam the door. I resist the voice, my anger raising within me. I close my eyes, trying to think of something pleasant. I feel the anger abate slowly.

Teenagers they say, feel surges of anger or any emotion strongly. They say that the Hormones that are at work during their age causes this to happen. They relate bad behaviour, eccentricity, bad sense of dressing and mostly everything they do, to this fact. In the seven years of my adolescent life, I have learnt that if you let your Hormones rule you, then you will never win your parents over.

So I tried, real hard, to keep my strong overflowing emotions at bay. But no matter how hard I tried, they irrupted once in a while. Which was not so bad, considering that my peers let them run loose. Slowly, but steadily, I could control my out bursts of anger. That's when I realised I had it in me to control not only my emotions but my life.

But whenever someone points a finger at you and tells you, that the things (they imagined) you did are horrible, it hurts. It hurts like burning embers in the center of your brain! Then the Hormones I haven't used when I was a teenager come out to take action. Anger once again boils to a destructive point.

Shout out loud! My mind screams at me. Walk out! Do something. I am paralyzed by my anger. Though I want to follow the instructions my mind gives me, I find it hard to obey. Deep down I know that if I do follow the instructions, I will end up hurting another person. Then there would be no difference between me and the person who has said the all these hurtful things to me. I know at this juncture I have to be the bigger person and let it go.

People go through so many emotions. Some hold on to anger, regret, hatred like they are their babies. But they only scar their soul to a extent that it is beyond repair. Then I ask myself, is it worth my time and effort to explain to them, that they still hold their anxieties and animosities so close, that it blinds them to the love they are receiving from those around them?

I see that its impossible to penetrate the wall they have built around them. Grown ups. My mind snears at them. Is this what you want to become when you grow up? A person who lives is the past, along with all their miseries, though life has given them many a moments of joy?

I know what my answer is. Yet I seem to be struggling with the fact that age does add to your basket of miseries. Small tender moments seem to have lost their touch.

The predominant emotion of love is replaced by anger, regret and hatred. Slowly I feel like I am being dragged into a dark corner of my soul, which has lost all hope of finding love that can make me feel like being me. Its difficult to keep being your self when those around you are trying to find faults in you. Yet, I try, to keep myself away from my dark side. Is it a winning battle? I don't know yet. But all these damn hormones, that have been stored away since long past, have now got a new reason to be spent.

I don't really know where all this will lead me. All I know is that, I don't want to scar my soul with emotions I would later find hard to erase. And with that said, I go on with life, controlling my anger and other emotions that come along with it.