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Resolute!

I hesitate. I'm very apprehensive. I look around me. I look over my shoulder to make sure there is no one or nothing that is following me. I don't want to go on alone, but I have no choice. It is my war, my territory I have to save. Looking back I see the golden sun that tempted me to embark this journey. 26 years now. I wait. Still. Patiently. Breathing slowly now. Anxious, my palms start to sweat. I wipe them dry on my clothes. I wait.

Time! I think of it. 26 years! I have seen time, felt it too. It is a delicate thing, this time. Always slips away when you try to hold it. Moments in time, I try and recollect, are so faded now that it feels like a dream. Moments in time, I wonder. Moments. Small moments of joy, of sadness.
A lot has happened these 12 months. Lot of emotions. Lot more is the feeling of numbness. I wait. I get more anxious now, to see how it starts. I always wait, when this time comes. I stand there, with palms sweating, recollecting the past and sketching the future.
Slowly I see it approach. Mixed feelings rise within me. How am I supposed to react? Should I jump up and down with joy? Or should I be cautious? Will this approach make me sad, happy or more numb, I do not know. But what I know is that I have to steady myself. To prove that I am made of different steel, I would have to reiterate the feelings of success, happiness and confidence.
It approaches rapidly now. A sense of fear engulfs me. What if everything changes? Will I be able to deal with it? Taking a deep breath I step out of my hiding. I decide to surrender. What ever has to be done will be done. I am more confident now that my plan will work. As it approaches I take one last look back. Back into my past. Back into my acomplishments. Back into the heartbreaks. Sigh! I feel sad, I feel confused. But somehow I feel complete. I know that what ever choices I have made are responsible for where I am now. And I am happy. Surprisingly, I am happy.
I look now into the future. I see the dreams that are very close now. I see new love. I see new beginnings. I also see the same happy self I see now. I feel free now. I feel the cool wind in my hair. A feeling of exhileration seeps into my body. I smile. All the anxiousness now gone, makes me feel new. A new me is born. The war is over, I have secured my territory.
The war, is my life. The territory, my mind. I know now, all I need is my soul. A temple I have to take care of. With my smile widening I welcome the new year, a new me and a new beginning.



Comments

pawan said…
Sounded more like Sri Lanka's war on LTTe !! ;)... Well everyone hopes for the best for the forthcoming year forgetting the regrets of the past. As they say time is the best medicine of all, your post is an example. Nice expressions!!
January 5, 2009 at 5:35 AM
Runa said…
nice...try writing more often...same applies to me as well
January 11, 2009 at 11:42 PM
Runa said…
why nothing new?
January 27, 2009 at 7:25 AM
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