Its finally here! Winter the month that makes me feel all mixed up inside. Unlike summer, where even your most irritable sweaty day fades away into the cool evening breeze, a winter day tends to freeze you over. Not physically, mind you! In a place like Hyderabad winters are only in the nights. Its when the temperature dips to 14 degrees (which by the way is quite cool considering we live in a tropical area).
It all began when I was younger. Probably when I was around 10 or 12 years of age. I was in my home town, Vizag. It's a coastal city, where you can smell the sea in the air at any given time. During the end of one November month, as I was playing on the road with my friends, I suddenly stopped and closed my eyes. A sweet cold wind brushed my face, caressing my cheeks so tenderly. I stood frozen in time, and that was when I knew that my life was never going to be the same.
Winter is that time of the month when I feel the most alone. I am disconnected from life and want to be left alone. But being a woman, like any woman, I wish that someone who loves me can understand and not leave me alone. I wish someone could hold me close and give me their warm love. I wish they would understand the pain my heart feels when the winter breeze tells me the secrets of the year past! The sad secrets whispered in my ears tells me what I have done wrong this year and how I could have done better.
It is like failing an examination. Year after year, the winter wind whispers into my ears the stories of tears, blood shed, and heartache. I listen to it because I cannot avoid it. I listen and try to understand if what it says is true or if its just my pure imagination! I wonder how life would be if during winter I could just curl up with an interesting book, on a soft warm couch with hot chocolate and some muffins on the side table. Ahh...an ideal life.
The warmth of the January fire, burnt during the first harvest, tries its best to warm me up and get rid of all the stories that roam freely in my mind. It tries to make me smile and hope for a better year ahead. But no matter how hard I try, as long as winter lasts, I crave for the warm embrace of a lover's arms. I crave for the security of his love. I crave for his undying care and love. I wish I could just be wrapped in his love and forget the chill of winter. The chill that makes me sad, the chill that makes me regret.
But winter is here once again, and the stories are told. I listen, unable to share those stories with anyone. I wait patiently for the winter time to come again, and hopefully that time I would be protected from it by the warm love of my lover!
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