Again, my inner goddess looks at me and then acts as if she is not interested. Well, I have a few good friends, but what is wrong with that? At least I know I have friends and I can make a lot more. But I still compare my life to the ones whose lives look much more interesting. I figure, hey at least they don't go to sleep wondering what to do with their lives?
Maybe they do and maybe they don't. But if a life that can give you a great body, an intelligent mind, and that makes you rich and famous with doing so little, its definitely a life that I would envy. My eyes go green and my skin feels icky. Why do I react to others like this? Would I feel as much as a prick if I saw someone whose life isn't that great? Someone whose social skills are lower than mine, has no interest in life what so ever and lives with their cat? I don't think I would even stop for a moment and think, Wait! My life is definitely better than that! Oh no sireee. I would not do that.
I have to feel miserable all my life, and when good things do happen, I will crib about the things I don't have. That is the circle of life. My life. Not a rectangle, not a square, not triangle, but a circle. Just like me. I am circle in a lot of ways. Take for example the way I look. Circle. I know you are shaking your head, and telling me that I can rectify that part of my life and maybe work my way to an hourglass figure? What do you want me to do? Pull a string tightly around my circle? Not a pleasant idea. My conscience just woke up and reminds me of all those times I promised her that I will workout, and how I even bought dumbbells! Yeh...well they are still around somewhere.
What about the fact that I am very creative and can be the best in any creative field I apply my mind to? Yes. That's it! My mind. I keep losing it every now and again. Its so difficult to find it and let it stick around for a while. But who gives a damn about a damsel and her brain?
Most men think that beauty is what they look at, not what it can offer. I like to think I have just forgotten how to play the game. It soothes my ego to think this way. Next time I see a man who is worth my attention I will just go up to him and say, hey...if I met you like a few years/months/weeks/ hours/minutes/seconds ago, I would have actually been interested in you. But now I have been robbed. And the thief took my game. Hey wait, did I just come up with the best pick up line? Err...maybe not.Moving on.
Have you ever looked at another person and thought, 'wow, how do they have hair like that? Or a body like that? Or whatever like that? I do this a lot. And let me tell you, it gets me no where. I feel miserable and stare at my hair in the mirror, wondering why me? till the mirror cracks (or till I throw something at it). Why do we do this to ourselves?
I guess feeling miserable is what we do best. Its our inborn quality, like how the apes climb trees, the fish swim, the birds fly; we love to feel miserable. No one tells us earlier on in lives, that we can actually have anything we want, be who ever we want to be. But for that we need to work hard. Hey, hard work didn't kill anyone, but I am no risk taker. So I will go back to being my miserable self.
But if you have something to say, there is a rectangle box (not a circle) below this post where you can leave your comments. Please feel free to write what ever comes to your mind. What will I do? Well...I am just going to go back to my life now and feel jealous or miserable about things that don't even make sense!
by, Teja Priyadarshini
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